THE CANDIDATE

Time to finally sober up and get rid of that Super Bowl hangover. It's time to catch you up on where the Red Sox are: at spring training in Fort Myers, of course, but I mean "what's up with the Sox" ???

In case you really have been buried in Patriots Nation throughout the fall and into mid-winter, the Olde Town Team has a new owner. His name is John Henry, NOT Teddy Ballgame's son John Henry Williams, just John Henry. He's a billionaire who made a ton of money trading futures and developing complicated formulas to help others try to do the same thing. Having read a little bit about him and since I have a certain fondness for math (nice segue, eh ?), I thought I'd try to join his ownership group. The term MINORITY interest has a lot more meaning to me now, because yes, I put in a VERY small equity amount with the rest of my "support" to be financed by sweat equity. You see I am a CANDIDATE for the GM's job, once my old friend Dan Duquette gets the inevitable axing.

Here's my platform and principles:

1- NO WHINING: This is the one and only rule I have for my kids. I'm not going to tell you if it works on them or not, but it will not be tolerated any longer on MY TEAM. From previous "Ramblings" you've noticed I've given the players a virtual free pass. I've deified Pedro, idolized Nomar, and put Manny on a pedestal. NO MORE !!! And not just because I'll be running the ship, but because I have bought into the Patriots' "model" of how a team should function. T-E-A-M means just that. Whether this model works for baseball in general or the Red Sox on particular remains to be seen, but it's the way it's going to be.

2- THE MANAGER: Since we last "talked" Jimy was let go and replaced by former pitching coach Joe Kerrigan. For the record, I liked Jimy except for his inherent lack of communication skills- either contrived or legitimate. His won loss record speaks for itself. And for the record, I like Joe Kerrigan, at least as a pitching coach. The jury is still out on his managerial abilities. He reminds me of The Professor on Gilligan's Island (dating myself). He's a statistical guru, for sure. This is what will endear himself to Mr. Henry at first, and myself too. But ya gotta be able to COMMUNICATE with the players, media, GM, and owner. And I mean HONESTLY too. Some of his statements at his inaugural press conference turned out to be outright LIES: "I'm gonna have a SET lineup." (lie)... "John Cumberland will be our pitching coach" (lie)... Derek Lowe is still our closer" (lie)... I'm not saying whether I think any of these decisions were necessarily bad, but they weren't truthful, so yes put HONESTY as something I'll be looking for out of Joe this year, or whoever else I name to replace him.

3- PAY FOR PERFORMANCE: As you know, there's no salary cap in baseball. What I'm going to ask Mr. Henry for is an operating budget roughly equivalent to last year. What I propose is restructuring all contracts so that they all have a base and they all have incentive clauses. The basic philosophy is the better you perform THIS year, the more you'll make THIS year. Not a contract based on what you've done in the past, nor a contract based on what you SAY or we THINK you're going to do in the future. Of course, the BASE salaries would need to be different for the 0-2 year guys and role players ($1 million), veteran starters ($3-5 million) and legitimate superstars ($7-$10 million). Assuming this adds up to about $75 million in base salaries for the 25 rostered players, the other $25 million or so would be paid out as PERFORMANCE BONUSES based on some predetermined KEY individual statistics. Overriding the individual stats, however, would be TEAM RESULTS. If the team didn't win X games or advance X far in the playoffs, than all or most of the individual bonuses would be taken off the table. Obviously, not every player is going to be happy about this new salary plan and structure, but I would refer them to the NO WHINING rule above and they'd be gone. Sorry, team comes first.

I'll try to win the job on those 3 ideologies for now. I'll let you know how I make out in my next update. But in the meantime, I need your support to help fund my campaign. Like Steven King, I'm asking everyone that reads this to send $1 to finance my minority interest. You will, in effect, become part owners of the Red Sox. Send the cash to the_candidate@buffoon.com. If I get the GM's job, feel free to "influence" me any time you want with ideas, flowers, perks, etc... Off to spring training now !!!
 

top