RED
SOX RAMBLINGS - June '00'By Jack Cooney
| December 2004 | July 2003 | November 2002 | October 2002 | August 2002 | June 2002 | February 2002 |
| August 2001 | May 2001 | April 2001 | December 2000 | August 2000 | June 2000 | Patriots Passions |
Dizzy Izzy Alcantara, Bernard Goetz Gilkey, Ed Bleeping Sprague, Curtis (can you hear me?) Pride, the Wilting Twins- Rose and Veras, Brian Daubach- in the OUTFIELD... HELP !!!
I hate to admit it, but for the first time in 3 years I was WORRIED. Not about my expanding waist line, fading hair color, or why Anna Kournikova never returns my calls. I was so sick about the Red Sox that I checked myself into the psych ward at McLean's Hospital over the LONG 4th of July holiday weekend. Heck, I figured that if Troy O'Leary could go on the DL for "personal reasons" then I was entitled to a short respite for my internal struggles.
Well, I won't bore you (this time) with the details, but I will share with you the KEY that unlocked my troubled mind. It came to me in one of the countless group sessions I endured... TWINKIES !!! No, not those angelic cream-filled vanilla snack cakes... the Minnesota Freaking TWINKIES !!! If somehow the Red Sox could find a way to play them 70-80 times a year, all their problems AND mine would be gone...
We both know that ain't gonna happen, but once again, rest assured, I am a BELIEVER... What about you ???
Here's the much anticipated Midterm Grades. Unlike last year when I
used the Holy Cross Scale
(all pre-med and pre-law students get A's... everybody else
A minuses), I used the far more rigorous Boston
College Scale (Drunk, Obnoxious, Gambler-
A... 2 out of 3- B... all others- transfer recommended )...
top
POSITION PLAYERS
| Name | Grade | Comment |
| Everett | A | The Man walks the walk and talks the talk |
| Garciaparra | A | less E-6's and more HR power whb nice but .389 |
| Nixon | B+ | talented, intense, and hates Clemens- nice combo |
| Frye | B+ | proved he's no ham 'n egger; answer at 3rd base ? |
| Varitek | B | people expect more power but I'll take .284 |
| Daubach | B | - this guy has bigger peaks and valleys than Dolly P. |
| Offerman | C+ | will he be the On-Man or the Off-Man in 2nd half ? |
| Lewis | C | injuries and inconsistency offset his quick start |
| Hatteberg | C+ | may play more if Varitek fails to take his steroids |
| O'Leary | D | the Big D- Divorce- I think we should blame his wife |
| Stanley | D+ | the Big D- Doghouse- will Jimy ever let him out ? |
| Alexander | D+ | the Big D- Defense- that's all this kid has |
| (Veras) | D | Not on roster now, but my sympathy saved an F |
| Others | I | Burkhart may be diamond in rough; not much else |
PITCHERS
| Name | Grade | Comment |
| P. Martinez | A | If the oblique gets weak, say BYE-BYE to Sox |
| Garces | A | originally thought he was going to be SIT-UP man |
| Lowe | B+ | a few too many Lowe blows for my liking |
| Pichardo | B+ | great middle relief so far... don't call him Hippo |
| Cormier | B | lefty specialist has given up too many meatballs |
| Schourek | C+ | 2-8 record is deceptive, but may be getting worse |
| Florie | C+ | I should have named my kid BRYCE |
| Fassero | B | Attack of the Giant Body Pillow put wrench in neck |
| Wakefield | C+ | whb D if not for 3 good starts; no funeral b4 WAKE |
| Wasdin | D | I'd rather see another AAA pitcher get his spot |
| R. Martinez | C | high ERA but pitches well against good teams |
| (Rose) | D- | AAA now; Carl Pavano was right choice by Expos |
| Others | I | Crawford has alluring southern drawl; Ohka next ? |
STAFF
| Name | Grade | Comment |
| Jimy Williams | B- | His magic may start to be wearing thin |
| Duquette | B+ | Everett was a FIND; will he find a BIG BAT ??? |
| Harrington | D | needs Mo Vaughn back to mumble with Menino |
That's it. The way I see it, the big keys are: Pedro, finding out who is the real #2 starter, SOME production out of LF, 3B, 1B, and DH, and Trot Nixon to charge the mound against Roger...
Finally, many of you mistook my last Red Sox update as a birth announcement.
Don't get me wrong, the kid thing was nice, but let's get our priorities back in order. One update on the kid front though: I have now successfully taught all 3 sons to watch the Sox game in their underwear/diaper while sipping on their beer/bottle...
KEEP THE FAITH !!!
You can email Jack at jacksox@walpole.org